X Overdose is a group weblog dedicated to review, commentary on, and perhaps the occasional MST of fanfiction for the CLAMP manga/anime series "X". If you're looking for general information about "X", here and here are better places to start than here.

However, if you're an X fan and are interested in reading frank and honest commentary on the state of X fanfiction, you're in the right place. A word of warning, however: we don't sugarcoat our reviews, and just because a fic is popular in the fandom or written by a well-liked author doesn't mean it's automatically going to get a good review from us. In fact, more often, it will be quite the opposite.

Our purpose is to make X fans think. We want to make writers think twice about the material they are producing and whether it is worthy of the characters and situations that CLAMP has created; and we want to make readers think twice before they leave gushing commentary for fics that are truly lacking in good characterization, plot and style.

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Reviews by Windcest:
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Reviews by The Pundit:
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Reviews by Hentai Anonymous:
-Life at the Mall

We have to give credit to the ladies at Slap to the Head, for their consistently hilarious badfic reviews and for setting a standard for fic review sites that tell it like it is. Check them out for reviews of fics from all fandoms, not just X.

((Note: Thanks to FF.net’s new *coughidioticcough* ruling on NC-17 fics, the link to this fic will most likely only be active for a few more weeks. After that, you’ll have to depend on the excerpts offered in this review. Hopefully I’ve included enough so that you can get the general gist of the fic, even after it’s no longer available. Also, as has been the general custom so far, my comments are in color, while the fic itself is plain.))


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Yes, that’s right. We learn right away that Kamui’s eyes are not to be messed with. They’re homicidal. They jump out of his head at night and run about waving little knives. Gotta watch those unpredictable ones.

And what’s this feeling that Sorata’s being “coated” with? Please tell me it isn’t sticky and white...

//How amazing that the eyes belonged to none other than the newly joined leader of the Ten no Ryu. For some greatly mysterious reason, the handsome monk couldn’t resist the fine-looking boy, perhaps because of eyes, or was it more than that?//

Hey, Kamui, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind-- ahem. And of course it’s something more, Sorata. It’s TRUE WUUUVVV. The fangirls wouldn’t have it any other way.

//“What are you looking at?” came Kamui Shirou’s gruff voice, turning away from Sorata.//

There are many words I’d use to describe Kamui’s voice, most of them along the lines of “whiny”. “Gruff” is definitely not among them. This is Kamui, not a construction worker.

//“Ah… it’s nothing… gomen…” Sorata stuttered, still unable to look away from Kamui’s slim figure. But it really was something. It had bothered Sorata for a while now, this certain attraction to his ally in the final battle to end of the world. Oddly enough, Kamui was all that the man could think about. He had remembered confusing times where he had questioned himself about his feelings for the other boy, but there was nothing he could do to change them.//

I take it the author wishes us to believe that the entire intricate Sorata/Arashi subplot was simply one of those “confusing times” where Sorata lost track of his deep and abiding lust for Kamui’s hot little ass. Either that or there never was an Arashi. ‘Cause, like, het is soooo unsexy.

//“Kamui, you did great today! The other members of the Ten no Ryu and I are proud of how well you’re doing,” came Sorata, trying his best to sound like his regular optimistic and jolly self.//

Nonono. Sorata’s not supposed to be coming yet. That’s not till later.

//Kamui just glanced at him with a funny smirk and exited for his apartment. As hard as Sorata tried, he knew that Kamui would never feel anything towards him. It was quite hopeless and terribly painful. For the past longs months of liking Kamui, he had suffered an incredible amount and could never quite understand why this all was happening. Even if Kamui didn’t like him back, Sorata had a feeling that he would continue to like the boy, even through endless suffering. But it didn’t matter. As long as the monk could get to see Kamui and talk with him some, he was ok with it.//

Oh, the angst.... And terribly out of character angst, too. Throughout his pursuit of Arashi, Sorata remained optimistic and never lost hope, even when it seemed as if the girl would never open up to him. Now, I know we’re pretending Arashi never existed, but still, it’s not in Sorata’s character to go around sadly accepting his terrible fate.

//He hoped it would help get his mind at least some what off of Kamui and maybe even relax him for a good night sleep, which he has seldom got since discovering his personal feelings. If this were to keep up, Sorata would start getting less and less healthy as the days would pass.//

End of this last sentence is very awkward; “as the days passed” would sound much better. And again, Sorata’s not the type to waste away and lose sleep over a silly crush. Oh, I forgot, this isn’t a crush, this is TRUE WUUUVVV. My mistake.

//“…I’m fine, thanks… I was just going to dinner…”

“Really? Oh! Uh… I’m sorry I bumped into you… heh heh”

Kamui turned his head away from Sorata and quietly asked, “Want to come…”//

Of course he does, this is a lemon fic! ... oh, to dinner?

//Sorata was shocked that Kamui had spoken such kind words to him. It was very unlike the boy, but perhaps he was different when he wasn’t around the other members of the Ten no Ryu.//

Yeah, it must be that those troublemakers Aoki, Karen and Yuzu are just bad influences on him.

//But, before Sorata knew it, he was staring into Kamui’s eyes once more. This time, instead of giving off the harse feeling that he had received earlier in the day, he felt a gentle yet soothing presence from the gorgeous violet circles. The eyes seemed to draw him in… it was eerily relaxing…//

NO, SORATA! RUN! The killer eyes are hypnotizing you! For the love of God, get away while you still can!

//At that moment, Kamui smiled and chuckled quietly, “Sorata do you like my eyes that much?”//

KAMUI: Want one? *pops it out and hands it to Sorata* As a token of my affection. It’s all the rage these days. Just ask Subaru.
SORATA: o.O;;;

//As they walked back to their apartments, Sorata found out that, in fact, Kamui was actually living three doors down from where he was. Though greatly surprised, he was also quite happy that he had such a special person living near him. To Sorata’s stupidity, he was astonished that he hadn’t bumped into Kamui before in his week of living in the apartment complex. None the less, it was nice to know that Kamui was closer than he appeared.//

Last I checked, all the younger Dragons of Heaven lived in the Imonoyama Mansion together. But then, I guess our author didn’t want to run the risk of anyone walking in on Sorata and Kamui’s hot mansex0ring.

//“Sorata,” Kamui begun, looking the older boy straight in the eyes, “Can you answer something? I’ve been wondering about it for a little while… Do you love me…?”

With this, Sorata unexpectedly lunged up into Kamui’s soft, delicate face and kissed him.//

Well, that was quite the answer. I guess actions speak louder than words. o.O And what a romantic description of kissing. If someone lunged up into my face, I’d probably slap them.

//It happened so suddenly, yet so passionately that both boys couldn’t stop thinking about the other.//

Yeah, it’s usually a good sign to be thinking about someone while you’re kissing them. Pretty pathetic if you’re thinking about how much you’re craving some pizza or where you left the remote.

//“Sorata… I… I…love you too!” Kamui blushed furiously and jumped back into Sorata’s lips once more.//

Now, I knew Kamui was short, but I was unaware that his entire body could fit inside Sorata’s lips. Impressive, that.

//Moments passed as the two kissed. Both of their hearts beat faster than ever. It was so exciting for them and yet so joyous. Sorata felt a tug at his shirt from one of the younger boy’s hands, giving him an idea of what Kamui was ready for.//

SORATA: *innocently* You want to play tug-of-war?
KAMUI: -___-

//“Yes! Just please, please Sorata! I can’t take it anymore… it was so hard acting cold to you up until now… I was so worried that I might hurt you or something! Please… just… please… make love to me… Sorata…”//

Kamui can go from 0 to pleading uke in under 10 seconds.

//Without warning, Kamui unbuttoned the jeans and slipped them off of Sorata’s long, masculine legs. Now what only remained were his white cotton boxers. Kamui immediately stripping them from Sorata’s upper legs and buried his face in the thick erection, stroking and rubbing it carefully.//

Damn... first he jumps into Sorata’s lips, then he buries his face in Sorata’s special area. I sense a theme in this fic of body parts fitting together in ways they never have before...

//Sorata moaned and bit his lip, watching the sexual Kamui take his nerves over.//

KAMUI: *sings* Am I sexuaaaalll...

//Sorata had never fucked before, so he didn’t know what to expect.//

*snort* How sweet. Love love love sap sap mush, and then we have this revelation, that Sorata has never “fucked” before. It might be a good idea to strike some sort of less jarring balance between the flowery love stuff and the hardcore porno language.

//Sorata was overly happy to be pleasuring his partner, his true love. After months, he was here in this position with Kamui. His loving and painful sensations had finally paid off. This was it; Kamui would finally receive an orgasm from Sorata, proving their love once and for all. This was the very first time both of them had sex. They had created a wonderful memory together, with each other on such a blessed but regular day in the amazing city limits of Tokyo, Japan.

And as he held Kamui’s fragile, yet precious body in his strong arms, for the first time in years, he cried.//

Because every good smut fic ends in tears.

But no, dear readers, it isn’t over yet. No, our intrepid author has decided to grace us with another chapter in the barely-legal adventures of Sorata and Kamui. Let’s take a look, shall we?

//“Sleep well?” asked Sorata opening his eyelids to face the younger boy’s beautiful face.//

Repeating “face” is overkill. I’d replace the first “face” with “admire” or just “look at”.

//The Kyougan monk ran a hand through his black hair...//

A lesson in X terminology:

KYOUGA: Fuuma and Kotori’s father.
KOUYA: The shrine from which Sorata hails.

As you can see, the two are not quite interchangeable.

//It still seemed amazing, to Sorata, what all had happened yesterday between Kamui and himself. Was it real, or another stupid fantasy of his?//

You woke up naked next to him, Sorata. That’s about as real as it gets.

//Sorata looked off, away from Kamui’s sweet appearance, thinking to himself about what all had took place from yesterday to the present.//

“about what all had took place” = “about what had taken place”

//But before they knew it, their faces began to near, until both boys found themselves deep with each other’s lips.//

This just does not make sense. Might I suggest something like "But before they knew it, their faces were getting nearer and nearer until they found themselves kissing deeply." Sometimes simplicity really is best.

//They made their way to a dinning table outside of the kitchen and sat down. Sorata set two plates of stemming food out and got Kamui’s chair for him.//

Stemming food really doesn’t sound healthy...

//Without any further discussion, both of them “dug in” to the wonderful tastes of their salty scrambled eggs, creamy grits, and fresh buttered toast.//

Maybe it’s just me, but after reading a yaoi sex scene, I don’t particularly want to see the adjectives “salty” and “creamy” used in reference to food. @_@

//The two laughed and enjoyed the rest of their meal. They cleaned the dishes hastily and found themselves on the couch, debating what to do next. It was a lot of fun to be with Kamui, Sorata thought. He had never been so close to a person for many years. He was always really lonely as a child, most of the children thought he was a “weirdo” for living with his eerie stargazing guardian. Many of the kids used to make rumors up about the old man and pick on him for being who he was. One person claimed that he’d seen the stargazer ruthlessly torture a man to death, but Sorata didn’t believe any of the silly stories. Instead he thought they were quite humorous.//

The stargazer anecdote is completely unnecessary and adds nothing meaningful to the story. This paragraph should probably end after “he was always really lonely as a child”.

//“You’re bored?”

“Gomen… Heh heh! I guess I am…” he sighed and turned to look at Kamui’s face. ”I feel like doing something.”

Kamui grinned, “How about you prove to me that you’re really in love with me?”

Sorata pulled the other boy up to his lips and held Kamui’s head in his hands, “Sounds like a plan to me.”//

Moral of the story, kiddies... gay sex is the only surefire cure for boredom.

//Kamui’s mouth tasted simply lovely and had a minty wonder flavored into it.//

Not only does Kamui have the Power of God, he’s got a "minty wonder"-flavored mouth. Kinky.

//“Sorata…. I… I… really want you in me…” Kamui begged, helping Sorata take off his unwanted shirt.//

SHIRT: *cries in the corner, lonely and rejected*

//His erection was becoming more and more tingly, which felt amazingly marvelous.//

Tingling is a symptom of frostbite, you know. Either he’s having really great sex, or his thing’s about to fall off. And "amazingly marvelous" is definitely adjective overkill. "Amazing" or "marvelous", one or the other would do just fine.

//Faster and faster, more and more, Sorata did.//

Did... what?

//He couldn’t stop. It felt so good. He wouldn’t stop. It felt so great.//

This part is repetitive. Repetitive. It repeats the same thing. And repeats it again.

//He was highly out of breathe and tired, but he wasn’t ready to stop their intercourse until he would taste Kamui’s sweet tasting semen for the second time.//

Mmm... manjuice. And the award for most disgusting line in the fic goes to... x.x

//It pleasured Kamui more than he could imagine. The taste, to Sorata, was something he could savor and keep in his mouth forever. Nothing felt so amazingly wondrous. There was nothing more in life that he wanted – only Kamui. He loved him so much that he couldn’t even describe it.//

Ah, yes. Cocksucking leads to meaningful romantic revelations. Isn’t that how it always works?

//And just when he thought that it had gotten the best it could be, the rushing surge of boiling cum shot into his lustful mouth, cleansing his throat perfectly.//

Yes, you read that right, dear readers. Kamui’s man chowder is not only sweet-tasting, but it cleanses. They should bottle it up and sell it as a stain remover.

//It was a dream come true to be here where he was and there was no way he would ever leave it.//

Last line of the fic. So, he’s implying that he will suck Kamui’s cock without stopping until the end of time? That might not be an easy promise to keep.


* * * * *


And that’s all, friends. Some final comments: Writing-wise, I’ve seen much worse, but what pushed this fic over the edge from mediocre to laughable is the awkwardly described sex scenes. The author’s attempt to creatively describe the action more often than not falls flat and just ends up giving the reader hilarious mental images. However, the writing somewhat makes me suspect that the author’s native language is not English, so I’m willing to cut him (yes, according to his author profile, it appears that he is male...) some slack in that respect; however, a good beta-reader could’ve saved him the embarrassment.

The more serious problem with the fic is the characterization. Arashi, Sorata’s canon love interest, is not mentioned once. This makes the entire fic seem incredibly unlikely, as it is unthinkable that Sorata would embark on a relationship with Kamui without ever thinking of Arashi. And we’re never given a real reason for his overwhelming luuuv for Kamui, nor do we see what Kamui loves about Sorata. The author shows a clear ignorance about anything more than the very basics of X; many of the details are mangled or left out completely. Perhaps because of the author's lack of knowledge about the source material, the plot and characterization are very stereotypical. This could be any yaoi fic from any fandom; boy meets boy, boy angsts over boy, boy slips up and shows his feelings for boy, boy realizes boy loves him too, boy and boy boink like bunnies until the end of time.

While the author tries for an extremely romantic tone with his flowery language and dramatic declarations of eternal devotion, it ends up seeming very hollow because we never really see why these boys love each other-- everything in the fic is stated rather than shown. Sorata apparently loves Kamui because he's got pretty eyes (whoopty do), and Kamui seems to only love Sorata because it's convenient for the story. These are not exactly reasons that point to a long-lasting and healthy relationship.

In conclusion, this is a fic that would appeal to only the most singleminded of yaoi fans. Even if you're a person who would be inclined to like the pairing of Sorata and Kamui, this fic probably wouldn't satisfy you. The characters involved are not even Sorata and Kamui, but a generic seme and uke plucked out of any yaoi PWP manga, dressed up with the bare minimum of details from X, but with none of the vivid personality and unique traits of CLAMP's characters.

However, if you’re one of those people who really does believe that the X fandom just doesn’t have enough of that hot boy-on-boy action, by all means, check out this fic.

Until next time, this is Windcest signing off.