Review # 6 - Wacky Originality
or Predictable Cliché?
I'm honored to be invited to join the ranks.
^^ *sparkles* I had to spend some time perusing ff.net for
this, mostly because I don't have the patience to wade through long, multi-chapter
epics that reek of OOC. But then I stumbled upon this--it contains
one of my personal pet peeves of Kamui characterization, which I'll mention
when I get to it. The author says that her English isn't that great,
which would account for the varied spelling and grammar problems.
There's no mention in her profile of what nationality she is, although
her email address has a .de ending. However, proper grasp of a language
has absolutely nothing to do with character-mauling.
The following would be one of those ever-so-plentiful
cracked out fics where the author decides to try and be 'cute' by doing
some weird thing or another to one or more members of the cast. I
waded through five (short) chapters of it. The main characters are
Kamui, Fuuma, Subaru and Seishirou. *shock gasp* We're all
so surprised.
----------
Spell
by Dhalia
It was one of these boring, rainy days. Kamui
was lying in his bed. He didn't really want to go to school today, but
he had failed many lessons in the last few weeks. He couldn't stay at home
any longer, he knew that.
Huh. Odd, that. From all I've ever
seen in the manga, Kamui's a decent enough student in spite of all the
End of the World distractions. He gets Subaru's help for one subject--math,
in all the fanfiction I've ever seen, not sure if that's true in the canon--and
Golden Boy Keiichi's help seems to be enough for the rest of it.
Subaru's still a Seal in this particular fic, and Kamui doesn't seem to
have any injuries that would have prevented him from going to school, so
why should he be failing? It's not like that little detail even means
anything to the fic overall.
On another note, I don't generally classify what
a day is like until mid-afternoon. If it's in the morning--and goodness
knows the hours one has to be up at to go to school are indeed morning--it
would be, "It was going to be one of those boring, rainy days," ne?
Kamui went down to the kitchen, where Sorata
was cooking breakfast. If you can call 'that' breakfast. It looked like
Sorata had to feed the whole CLAMP-Campus. The leader of the Ten no Ryu
wasn't really hungry this morning. And he was in a bad mood today and he
knew that Sorata would try to change that.
First off, since when is Sorata a bad cook?
Looks like the author's forgotten the whole meat bun incident.
More importantly, this is the part which made
me twitch and decide to review this particular fic. A lot of authors--in
particular S/Kers, I note, although that doesn't appear to be the case
in the fic--like to pretend that Kamui is irritated by Sorata's cheerful,
optimistic nature. This generally holds true for Yuzuriha as well,
although I can't say I've come across many fics where Keiichi's genkiness
annoys Kamui. I guess it's the difference in yaoi potential, but
that's another rant entirely. I can't count the number of fics I've
come across that have lines almost exactly like that one above. In
the manga, Kamui seems more bemused by them than anything, and from what
I recall, they almost always do succeed in winning a smile, however
weary, out of Kamui.
Furthermore, since when does Kamui even get
in
bad moods? Angsty, oh good god yes, but actually pissy with the other
Seals? Not since the beginning of the series.
In any case, Kamui gets over it and sits down,
and an exchange wherein Sorata is his typically obnoxious bad-fanfic self
ensues with much over use of triple punctuation (!!! ???), and improper
verb usage. (Sorata..snored in a childlike way? Huh?)
Sorata is far more sensitive and skilled with people than most authors
give him credit for--if he could tell that Kamui honestly was not in the
mood for genki, then he'd let up on it.
Kamui rolled his eyes, took the pancakes and
left without saying goodbye. He was lucky, that he hadn't to face Arashi
and Yuzuriha this morning. Sorata was enough treatment for his nerves today.
Doesn't say thanks, either. Wow, fanfic
Kamui's a little snot. Now, I can see that, if Kamui didn't want
to deal with Sorata, he wouldn't want to have to deal with Yuzuriha, but
not wanting to face Arashi? Since when does she bother him?
Since when is the presence of someone who doesn't even really talk to you
much nerve-grating?
So Kamui goes for a walk before school (wow, CLAMP
Campus must start really late on in the morning), feeling perfectly comforted
by the sight of all the sakura trees in the park and not noticing the 'huge'
shadow watching him from behind one of said trees. Apparently Fuuma's
put on some weight for him to cast such a large shadow. Does anyone
else find it odd that Kamui isn't in the slightest worried or angsty regarding
the presence of Seishirou's trademark flower, when he so easily angsts
over everything else? Moving on to the next part, we get to Fuuma.
He looked at the little indigo-coloured bottle
in his right hand and remembered the bet he had made with the Sakurazukamori.
Not one of Seishirous normal bets, only to have a little fun because he
was always bored. Dark Kamui was bored, too, and accepted this small game.
Since when are any of Seishirou's bets
normal? From what I know of Seishirou and Tokyo Babylon, wasn't The
Bet a completely one-shot, random whim of his? He's hardly a Vegas
gambler addicted to the thrill of chance, people. Both Fuuma and
Seishirou seem well-entertained by the various things they do to keep themselves
busy. Satsuki's the bored one.
"What do you want from me?!" Kamui shouted,
not able to move as the Dark Kamui went closer, until they already could
touch.
"Same as always! Have a little fun with my
favourite toy", he said and moved one step closer again. "But it's hard
to explain! Let me show you."
Took one more step? From the sound of it,
he's already treading on Kamui's feet. Treasure that one defiant
shout; it's about all Kamui gets.
With this last words, Fuuma gripped Kamuis
wrists and pinned him to the nearest Tree.
Fear the author's mad Random Capitalization skeelz!
(Must..not...comment on...grammar..)
He wanted to blast Fuuma but Kamui couldn't
put his thoughts and power in order.
.....That was...really fast.. Honestly,
Kamui does put up some pretense of a fight, doesn't he? I
guess those sakura petals must give off an uke-inducing scent or something.
Every time they met, there was a lot of blood
and it was every time his blood.
This, I think, would actually sound pretty good
if it were phrased correctly--I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and
say it would sound properly effective in the author's native language.
Fuuma drops a bit of the liquid on Kamui's collarbone,
kisses it, and waltzes off. The liquid burns and resolves into a
small image of a dragon.
Kamui was sitting on a chair, shirt unbuttoned,
cheeks flushed, as Subaru Sumeragi checked the mark on his collarbone.
The young onmyouji was properly the only one who was able to say something
useable about it.
Because Subaru is a god. Naturally.
Actually, all he can tell the Seals is that the mark is magic, as if any
idiot couldn't see that from how it came into being. He takes a few
guesses about it.
"A Kamui-radar?!", Sorata smirked. "This is
perfect for you, Subaru-san, isn't it?" After that words, Sorata earned
a confused sight from Subaru, a crimson face from Kamui and another clap
on the head from Arashi.
Because I'm sure Subaru really is that oblivious.
He isn't the blushing teen you knew in TB anymore, folks.
"Nee-san, why?!", Sorata purred, trying his
best to look heart-broken and shattered. Arashi looked away, ignoring Sorata,
making puppy-eyes.
Arashi making puppy eyes; that's an interesting
mental image (and grammar error).
"Well", Subaru continued, a light flush on
his face. "We can't do anything, just wait. I'll go now. Please, call me
if something changes."
And now he's blushing? I guess he got it
all of a sudden. Either that or watching Arashi smack Sorata around
made him hot, I guess. He is pretty masochistic, isn't he?
He leaves, and muses on how a dragon tattoo on Kamui's collarbone reminds
him ever so much of the reverse pentacles on the backs of his hands.
He has a Bad Feeling that Seishirou and Fuuma are conspiring on this, as
if he's aware of Fuuma and Seishirou's little seme-tachi bonding over ice
cream thing the two do. He goes looking for Seishirou and decides
to go wait under The Tree for him. Now, wait a moment--didn't he
spend the six years between X and TB looking for Seishirou? Surely
it wouldn't be that easy.
Meanwhile, across town, atop an ice cream parlor...
"Done what?", Dark Kamui replied, not really
in mood to talk about the bet.
Odd that he wouldn't want to talk about it; he
seems to be enjoying himself.
"You know! The little blue bottle, the spell,
the Kamui of the Ten no Ryu, our bet." Seishirou smiled, knowing how to
tease the Kamui of the Chi no Ryu.
No, he knows how to banter with Fuuma.
From their first encounter in the manga, at least in the version of X that
I'm reading, Fuuma does most of the teasing, mostly because he knows Subaru's
wish and Seishirou doesn't. It's one of the few instances where you
see Seishirou visibly surprised/disturbed by something.
"It was only my idea, nothing more", Seishirou
replied. "You have done it, it's your magic and your spell! I don't even
know, what will happen to the Kamui of the Seals."
I'll spare you all the suspense; from the five
chapters I read, the bet was whether or not Fuuma could manage to make
and cast a spell on Kamui. Now, Fuuma has Godawful Kamui Powers,
yes, but since when are either he or Kamui capable of complicated
spellcraft?
"And I'm not going to tell you, if that is
what you want," Fuuma smiled. "Big surprise!"
"Oh, come on!", Seishirou said. "You are
mean!"
"You know it!", Fuuma laughed, ignoring Seishirous
'please-tell-me-sight'. "And I don't want to ruin our little bet! You are
going to invite me for dinner, Sakurazukamori!"
The OOC, it burns... First Arashi, now Seishirou
making puppy eyes? It gets worse before long, though.
It was Fuumas first spell and Seishirou was
sure, Dark Kamui wouldn't be able to create one because he was neither
a real magician nor an onmyouji. Fuuma was sure, he is able to do everything.
I'd be inclined to agree with Seishirou, really.
Of course, I'm not sure what onmyoujitsu has to do with anything; Sorata
has a few magic tricks up his sleeves and he's monk-raised. But of
course, silly me, I forget, Subaru and Seishirou are the only ones allowed
to pull random magic tricks out of nowhere. They finish up, and Seishirou
heads back to homebase.
"You are visiting me?", Seishirou asked as
innocent as possible.
"I want to talk to you and I think you already
know about what", Subaru said, his arms crossed over his chest.
Not bad so far. This is how they act around
each other in X.
"Absolutely right", Subaru replied, trying
to hide the flush on his face. "It's about my Kamui and what your Kamui
did to him, the mark on his collarbone!"
Ack, going downhill, into BlushingVirgin!Subaru
mode.
"Don't think I'm stupid, Seishirou-san!!!"
Subaru shouted. "Tell me what the hell is going on, or, or. . ."
"Or you are going to sing 'always look on the
bright side of life', until I fall to my knees and beg for you to stop?",
Seishirou asked.
"SEISHIROU-SAN!!!", Subaru screamed. "You're
such a stupid, damned, childish $§%&(/ß!!!"
"Yes, Subaru-kun", Seishirou said. "I love
you, too!"
.....
MY EYES ARE BLEEDING. What could
compel this author to write this in an ostensibly serious story?
I don't think I need to say much on how horribly, horribly OOC this
is; it speaks for itself quite plainly.
We return to Kamui, who is going to take a bath
at the end of the day.
A bath is not only cleaning your body, it's
cleaning your soul, too. Subaru said this to him.
Yes, because Subaru's SO one to talk about purity
of soul these days...
'Gods above, help me', he prayed.
If I were Kamui, I'd be pretty firmly agnostic
by this point. I mean, if the run of events in X is a matter of divine
degree, obviously the gods above aren't too very interested in answering
what Kamui wants.
The next morning...
He stretched out on the bed, then jumped out
of it and went across the room to his mirror as every morning to survey
himself. As he caught a sight of himself in the mirror, his eyes widened
in shock. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He rubbed his eyes. As
the picture in the mirror didn't change he breathed in deeply. Then a loud
scream escaped from his throat.
Cookies if you guess what plot cliché is
coming... Sorata and Arashi run upstairs and go pale upon seeing
what the spell's done.
"I better call Sumeragi-san", she finally said
before running downstairs to the telephone.
Because Subaru was so helpful the first time,
I'm sure.
"Sumeragi-san, I'm so glad to see you", Arashi
cheered in a, for her, unusual happy mood.
(Arashi) Something really trite and senseless
just happened to Kamui! You have to come see quickly.
It made me be OOC to the nth degree; I'm sure it'll do wonders for you.
The author doesn't actually tell you what happened
in this chapter. DRAMATIC CLIFF HANGER! SHOCK! GASP!
To no one's real surprise, Kamui's been turned
into a girl. That's when I stopped reading. Can anyone explain
to me the logic behind this? Obviously the author doesn't have a
problem with yaoi, so this isn't a 'make the uke a girl and THEN hook then
up' fic. On the flip side, everyone and his brother in this fanbase
assumes that Fuuma's the gayest character in the series short of the Tokyo
Babylon inserts, so why on earth would he want to turn his pretty little
uke fucktoy (as was so blatantly pointed out in early chapters) into a
girl?
Lack of logic..corroding brain..
Overall, I can forgive the grammar problems; English
isn't the author's native language, after all. I have some degree
of respect for people willing to try to write things in different languages
than their own. The chapters are a bit short, and the plot really
drags, although better writing would help this. As with most X fics
that I dislike, my problem is the characterization, and that "Kamui only
really likes Subaru" cliché.
~posted by Midori Kataki at 04:21 p.m., on Sunday, March 16, 2003
